Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the day after is always just damage control
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
