It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
