we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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