Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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