Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
