I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
