That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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