I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
