I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
