I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
