Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
