Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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