Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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