I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
