i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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