I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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