when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Randomize
