I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
