i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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