i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
