Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
