Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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