I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
