You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
