we have pet lesbian snakes
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You were trust falling into bushes
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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