Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
