yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
