i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
