i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
