Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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