We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You need Xanax blowdarts
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
