Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
