question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
