Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
