kristin has been a bad kristin
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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