Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
