Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
