i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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