No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
