You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
