Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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