hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
