he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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