Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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