How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
