i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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