You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
