just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
