While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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