Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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