I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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